Resolutions and Reflections…

It’s the last day of 2017.

I don’t do resolutions for a new year and I don’t do regrets for the one past. For me, its about goals I hope to achieve in the new year (but if I don’t, thats not the end of the world) and looking at what I’ve learnt from the one just past so I can enjoy the next one even more!!!

Intent can be a wonderful driver and it can also be a curse. I often find the unhappiest people have set themselves intentions/resolutions/goals by a certain ‘date’ and if they don’t achieve them, they are riddled with guilt and a sense of failure. Whether this be weight loss, body transformation, health, business or personal  – this just seems like a great big waste of living to me.

Life can throw unexpected challenges and changes on us that move the goal posts and our real success is navigating out way through these as best we can, so we continue living with passion. I am all about setting goals – whether they be fitness and health related or business and personal – I am a very focused person myself and this has given me the strength and determination to survive and fight through some pretty harrowing times. As a result of the challenges life has thrown at me though, I have also learnt that expectation can be the mother of all evils. I’ve come to look at the expectations I have on myself in a very different way in the last 5 years. If my life literally depends on it (and this I know) then it is an unmoveable target – if it doesn’t – then quite frankly – get a grip!

I have no issue with internal competition, as I do believe this is the only real competition in life we should set, as comparison to others is both futile and dangerous. But constantly living life by a set of hard and fast rules and targets is pointless to me – because no one is keeping score except you – making you, your own worst enemy. Living life like this, takes away spontaneity, adventure and the ability to grow and learn. Trying something new, learning something new, experiencing something new, meeting someone new – these things are much more important than sticking to a set of parameters you have chosen for yourself. If we lived like this, we would never fall in love and that would be the saddest thing ever!

If you know losing weight (to improve your health) or living a healthier lifestyle is a goal for you in 2018 – then brilliant – go for it and chase it with the focus and determination it deserves. However, unless your life depends on it, be balanced with your approach and allow yourself flexibility and time to make it safe and attainable and not make your life rigid and boring. If your goals are personal or business – then again – be committed and determined – but be realistic and cut yourself some slack . No one is judging you, except you and always remember to put things into perspective. If yours or someone else’s life doesn’t depend on it – and it takes longer than you thought – it will harm no-one.

Reflection is a funny old thing – it can be a healer and it can be a constant open wound.

I am way off mastering this one myself . What I have been through has really helped me manage expectation and see it for what it is – but reflection I sometimes struggle with. I try and see everything I have been through as ‘lived experience’ and this year, both my daughter and I, have put that to good use to help others and its been so incredibly rewarding. I’m focusing on seeing the painful challenges of the past as things to learn from and improve the ‘here and now’, as I’m not a big ‘future’ kinda gal anymore. But this is often easier said, than done.

‘No regrets’ is a really important mantra for me. Rather than regret what has happened – I am trying to focus on accepting, learning and empowering.

A month before my brain tumour was due to be removed, I took a holiday to Ibiza (my happy place) with some girlfriends. It was a really tough time for me and I cried a lot, when no-one could see. I was on the beach one day and a wonderful lady was giving massages and I decided to have one. I climbed onto her table and she began talking to me in a very calm and peaceful voice that instantly put me at ease – something I wasn’t feeling at all. I was scared and angry inside. She asked me how I was feeling at that moment and I just broke down. I couldn’t stop crying. She didn’t panic or fluster. She did quite the opposite. She asked me what was troubling me so I told her. She could sense the anger and fear I had towards my tumour and operation. She told me to look at my tumour differently. She asked me what my favourite flower was – ‘a pale pink rose’ was my answer. She told me to imagine my tumour was a pale pink rose, that it was beautiful and a part of me. Not something evil and sinister that was trespassing, but a wonderful part of me that made me unique and different. She then gave me a massage and I have never felt so calm and at peace in my life. It gave me a whole new perspective on how to view pain and trauma and it is one of the single, most empowering lessons of my life. Note to my brain surgeon – you could defo do with the pink rose analogy vs the one you gave me!!! 😂😂

I’m gonna move into 2018 with just what it deserves…. the start of a new day. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s the ‘here and now’. There’s a load of things I’d like to do, to achieve and to experience and I will hopefully get to achieve a number of them. But (thankfully) none of them my life depends on, so I’ll be excited at what transpires and not dwell on what doesn’t.

2017 was just that – an eventful year of my life. I’ve met some incredible people, done some incredible things and had some incredible times I will never forget – I’ve made memories and that’s so important to me. I’ve made some mistakes and I’ll learn from these – but I’ll make mistakes every year and keep learning from them.

I’ve loved  more, I’ve laughed  more and I’ve lived  more  – so 2017 has been great!!

Happy New Year!!  Breathe deeply…Love madly…Live fully xx

 

 

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